Like a Cold, Lonely Snowflake
by Chen ZiXin
Summary: The rate a lovely pink cherry blossom falls? 5 Centimeters per second.  The rate a cold of snowflake? Much faster.    The untold story of another perspective: The little sister of Takaki. Sickly, quiet, unknown by anyone. 'Four eyed parasite' Mia-chan.
1. Preference

'_Do you know the rate of which cherry blossoms fall? Five centimeters per second.'_ That is what my onii-san told me. I don't know how he found that out, but I always somehow thought that maybe it was that person that told him. That person who always talks to him. The person who always walks with him. The person who he goes everywhere with.

I much preferred snow flakes. They are something I find much more majestic. They were a pure, blank white colour, which seemed to fascinate me when I was little, and I found it interesting that they were made from simple crystalline dihydrogen monoxide, or 'frozen water'. It's something that's colder, purer, blanker, and more simplistic than the supposedly 'beautiful' and 'romantic' cherry blossoms. I never properly understood why I liked them so much.

The day I learned of the speed of which cherry blossoms fell from my onii-san, I searched up in the library the rate of which snow flakes fell. The answer was much faster than the rate of cherry blossoms. The colder, pure white substance falls at roughly one meter per second.

I read once, from a book perhaps, that 'wherever there is happiness, there is love'. So I guess, in retrospect, if there was no love, then there is can be no happiness, right? I never really thought that way. Part of me wanted to never accept that that was true.

My parents always favored Takaki onii-san over me. Even though he was, more or less, a bit sickly compared to his classmates, he was still able to run, and skip, and sweat without fainting. Everyone always said _'if little Mia-chan was born before Takaki-chan, maybe she would have been a lovely little lady.'_

Of course, I didn't mind in the slightest. Onii-san was born a year earlier than me, so he had a right to be better in any way possible. He could be stronger, and it wouldn't matter. He could be smarter, and that would be fair. He could have a friend whom he trusts, and I won't. I've always been the unnecessary extra child in the family. An extra blank sheet of white paper at the end of a book.

I didn't mind onii-san's friend, Shinohara-san. She seemed to be a nice person, and suited onii-san really well. She had the same interests as he did, and thought almost identically, being able to finish each others sentences. Like onii-san, she would hang around in the library during lunch breaks, and was a bit sickly.

Of course, since Shinohara-san and Takaki onii-san were so alike, they were often teased by their classmates. They didn't seem to mind that too much, either. The teasing by their classmates seemed to tie them closer. Centimeter by centimeter. Quite a few in each second, I used to think.

I didn't have such an opportunity. Nobody transferred into my class, and I was always the ill little girl who sat at the dark end of the classroom, wearing oversized glasses, alone, quiet, and always coughing. If I stood outside in the sunlight for too long, I would begin to begin to feel faint. If I ran too hard, I would collapse. If I screamed to loudly, my lungs would be unable to intake the oxygen I outputted. _'Four-eyed parasite' _they used to call me_._

Takaki onii-san used to try and protect me from my classmates, but would often get beaten up because of me. After Takaki onii-san started to play with Shinohara-san during and after school, I had to look out for myself. I honestly did not mind at all. I felt like I was able to stop depending on him. Like I wasn't just a sickly, lonely little girl. I felt independent.

We all assumed that things would keep going this way, and it didn't make too much of a difference to me. Onii-san and Shinohara-san would grow closer together, bit by bit, and drift further away from me, bit by bit, and I would be able to learn for myself, bit by bit.

Then, one day, the phone rang.

"Hello? Who is this?" okaa-san said, after picking up the phone by the second ring. "Ah! Akari-chan. Takaki's in his room. Hold on, I'll give the phone to him."

Okaa-san walked to onii-sans room, holding the wireless phone in her hand, and offering it to him. "It's Akari-chan".

As soon as onii-san took the phone, okaa-san went to continue making dinner. She didn't so much as glance in my direction. She never did.

Even though I knew I shouldn't have, I stood just outside onii-san's door, with my back pressed against the wall. Listening silently to the one-voice conversation.

"Huh? You're transferring schools? What about Nishi Middle School? You went through all that trouble to get accepted," his voice was a little bit more dejected than normal. He sounded like he wanted to completely block out this segment of truth. He didn't want Shinohara-san transferred.

"No… there's no need for you to apologize…" It sounded like such a blatant lie. He wanted the moment to seize. For time to stop. For fate to halt in its plans.

I couldn't hear the other end of the phone, but I somehow pictured that Shinohara-san was likely to be in just as much anguish as Takaki onii-san. Tears in swelling up in her eyes as she tried to explain why she couldn't stay… more to herself than onii-san, perhaps.

"I understand…" onii-san said suddenly, the ghost of emotion lingering in his voice. "You don't have to say anything else… that's enough…"

He placed his head onto his curled knees, pressing the phone against his ear bitterly, and futilely. He didn't say a word. He didn't make a single sound. Neither did she, I think. Both of them shared their pain through the non-visual, non-verbal, non-communicational link that had formed between them.

A link that will fade in time.


	2. Letters

On my way to the house, since school had just ended, I again checked the old mailbox, considering that onii-san's middle school is further away from home than the elementary school. It creaked when I opened the rusty door, and when I shut it again, having obtained the thing I was instructed to find.

I closed my parasol, entered the house, opening the door with considerable effort, whispering as loud as I could (which still wasn't very loud), "Tadaima…" I'm back.

Otoo-san glanced at me for the first time that day, seemingly disinterested in my entrance. He only sought what I had been holding in my left hand.

"Are any of those papers addressed to me?" he asked quite dismissively. I nodded.

He held out his hand demandingly, as though ordering me to give him his letter without even the use of words. I was used to that, so I obediently picked out his letter, and handed it to him. I caught a glimpse of the sender address, and noticed that it was from father's workplace. He snatched it away almost instantly, nearly throwing me onto the ground in the process.

"I'm going to onii-san's room…" I murmured, trying as hard as I could to make myself heard, just in case otoo-san said he couldn't hear me. Although he didn't yell at me to speak louder, I almost wished he would. Anything but the silent, ignorant stance he would always give me.

I walked upstairs to onii-san's room, and placed the letter onto his painfully unorganized desk. I didn't need to look at the letter to know who it was from. Only one person ever wrote letters to Takaki onii-san, and he would only ever write letters to one person. It seemed after all this time that their unbreakable bond still lasted.

He wasn't home yet, but he would be soon. He would open the door and say "Tadaima", much like I had, and otoo-san would say "Okaerinasai". Welcome back. Onii-san would ask "Do I have any letters?" and otoo-san would reply "If you did, I put them in your room."

Onii-san would walk into his room, and throw his bag onto the floor, and see the letter on the desk. He would tear it open slowly, and read every line in depth for the next half-hour, even though he had a very busy schedule after entering middle school. He would smile, and think to himself about every character written in the letter, about everything depicted in the words, and of everything he would write in the reply.

Sometimes, he would walk into my room slowly, with a weary and dethatched smile, and say "Arigatoo, Mia-chan."

Other times, such as that day, he wouldn't.

I walked back downstairs, on my way to the kitchen, since I was quite famished after such a long walk from school. When I went down, I saw otoo-san with a stern expression on his face as he carefully scanned his own letter.

"My boss wants me to transfer," he stated. Whether he was talking to himself, or whether he finally acknowledged my existence, I did not know. "But Takaki still has yet to finish his school year."

I walked over to him, peeping over his shoulder. "Where are we going to move to?" I asked.

Either I had failed to be loud enough, or otoo-san chose to deliberately ignore me. He continued talking in any case. "Takaki needs those grades if he's going to go to a high good school. And besides, it's a long move away. He'll lose contact with Akari-chan."

I didn't mind the fact that otoo-san found Takaki onii-san's link with Shinohara-san more important than his job. Nor did I feel downed by the fact that I was not part of otoo-san's thought trail.

I decided to mention the easiest solution. "Why not wait until the end of the year?" I whispered out loud. "Onii-san will be able to finish his exams by then, and he'd be able to inform Shinohara-san that we're moving… he could even tell her our moving address by then…"

Otoo-san's head shifted by a millimeter, as though he was going to reply to my comment. After I waited two seconds in anticipation, his head bobbed back down.

I smiled inwardly. I was too exhausted to let the emotion express on my face, but it felt like, for the first time in my life, otoo-san acknowledged something I had said. He said, in a way as though it was his own idea, "We'll move after Takaki finishes his exams at the end of the year."

I nodded, and began thinking to myself as I head towards the kitchen. 'After all', I told myself, 'it isn't like onii-san will simply stop sending Shinohara-san letters anyway.'


	3. Snowstorm

Sitting in my room. A pencil in one hand, a book in the other. Okaa-san was downstairs, making dinner for when otoo-san gets home from work. She had the television on, listening to the news. I took a glance at the note that Takaki onii-san left on my desk.

It wasn't as though I didn't know he'd leave that day. He'd mentioned it once or twice before throughout the year, that he was planning to meet with Shinohara-san before we moved away. He asked otoo-san and okaa-san for permission, which they didn't give, since it was nearing exams, ad he needed to study. And because he needed to get ready for when we move. Nonetheless, he went anyway.

The note he left was quite short. _"Mia-chan. I've left to go see Akari by at Tochigi train station. I won't be back until after midnight. Tell our parents that I'm studying with a bunch of friends, and I'll be back before morning. Takaki."_

Takaki-onii-san trusted me to help him keep a secret. I didn't mind that. He wanted to see Shinohara-san. I didn't mind that either. He wanted me to lie to otoo-san and okaa-san about where he would be going. I didn't mind any of that. He is my older brother, and he has a right to tell me what to do. He has a right to have anything that I can't have.

I put the note in my pocket, and glanced outside the window. Frost was already growing on the window sill, since it was quite cold. And there were quite a few clouds in the sky.

"Five centimeters per second… one meter per second… cherry blossoms… snow…" What difference did it all make? I personally preferred snow. It was faster. Simpler. Colder. I didn't really understand why I liked it so much. Neither did I understand why people liked cherry blossoms so much. Cherry blossoms received so much more positive attention than snow. People associate cherry blossoms with beauty, perfection, and romance. People relate snow with cold.

Even though it was cold, I opened the window, and placed my head outside. The breeze was cold, but not quite cold enough. I really wanted it to snow. Partly because I like snow. But for somehow, that wasn't the only reason. At the time, I was unsure what the other part was.

* * *

><p>The door opened, and otoo-san came into the house. "Tadaima." He dropped his heavy work breifcase down, and sat down at the table, in front of the television. "Where's Takaki-kun?" he asked.<p>

"I'm not sure," replied okaa-san. "He hasn't come home yet."

I had yet to tell them the lie. It was only 5PM, though.

"I hope he gets home soon," okaa-san said. "It's starting to snow."

* * *

><p>One snow flake after another flew against the glass window, and would slowly slide downward. A significant amount of the little ice crystals had accumulated on the window sill. I was entranced, really. My pen was tapping against my page of homework, which had been left untouched for near of an hour.<p>

I took a subconscious glance at the clock. 7:10 PM.

"Ne… shouldn't Takaki be home by now?" okaa-san question echoed up the hallway. "Do you think he's being kept in school because of the snow?"

"Hmm… he should be fine."

"You're right… I'm just worried… this is a really serious snow storm…"

The conversation ended, with still a significant tension in the air. Both otoo-san and okaa-san were quiet enough for me to hear the news report.

"…_ailway lines have been significantly delayed all throughout the country due to the heavy snowstorms. Such a degree of snow has not been seen for years, and passengers are burning in annoyance in response to the freezing cold weather."_

I smiled inwardly. Snow is often underestimated. It's seen as nothing more than cold, frozen water. It's only when there are large quantities that people realize the power the simple droplets possess. Entire buildings holed in, and railway lines hindered for hours on end. Something that cherry blossoms can't do.

Something that love can't do.

I continued to stare out of the window.

"Snow…" I murmured. "Snow harder."

* * *

><p>Even though it was almost midnight, I couldn't sleep. The snow excited me. The wind excited me. The fact that I still haven't told otoo-san and okaa-san the lie that Takaki onii-san excited me. It was not only me who was excited, though.<p>

Okaa-san was making calls. "Hello?" she would start with, every time, followed by a courtesy-only greeting, before launching into the anxious explanation of the situation, and finally she would ask the question "Do you think your son might know where Takaki-kun might be?"

I tried my best to ignore it all. I really should have told them earlier before… I got myself into this situation. Nobody else is to blame. Takaki onii-san is going to get into trouble now, and it's my fault.

However, the above fact didn't seem to bother me, like it should. In fact, I remember that at the time, I actually felt some sort of… queer, twisted satisfaction.

I was jealous.

I was jealous of Shinohara-san for getting all of Takaki onii-san's attention; Jealous of Takaki onii-san for getting all of otoo-san and okaa-san's attention; I was sick of it all. Always having to make way for them, one way or another. In the eyes of everyone, I did not exist. I was not the main character of a tragic love story, or a supporting member of the cast. I was not a person who lives in the same house as the rest of the family, nor was I a ghost that lingered in the vicinity.

But now it felt different. My parents were panicking as they wonder where Takaki onii-san was. Takaki onii-san would be in trouble when he gets back. All this happened because I have not told our parents where Takaki onii-san was. If I simply told them, now, that Takaki onii-san was out with a friend, and that I didn't know which friend it was, Takaki onii-san would be safe, and our parents would calm down.

Everything depended on me. I had become significant.

I heard otoo-san's footsteps, as he paced around the room below. I heard okaa-san's voice, chattering endlessly over the phone. I heard the winds blowing ferociously, as though empathetic towards the circumstances. All this happened because of something as humble and underestimated as snow; cold, blank, unseen, ignored, shunned. All this could end with the snow. I just had to tell a single lie.

Otoo-san's footsteps became louder. He was coming up the stairs.

The closer he got, the more I began to tense. What if he didn't believe me? What if it went wrong? What if they saw through the plot?

No. I couldn't back down. Takaki onii-san was depending on me. I couldn't backstab him now. If he lost his trust in me, I'd lose even the little attention I get from him.

The door slid open slowly. Otoo-san stood outside, with the lights on. I sat on the inside, on my bed, with the lights off. It was time. He would turn the lights on, and ask me where Takaki onii-san was. I would tell him that Takaki was at a friend's house, and that I did not know which friend; like Takaki onii-san had instructed me in the note he left behind. Otoo-san will then leave and tell okaa-san where Takaki onii-san is supposedly at. Takaki onii-san would be devoid of responsibility, and I would accept the punishment for not saying anything sooner.

Only otoo-san did not turn on the light. He slowly walked in, and sat down on the bed, next to me. There lay a few seconds of silence; we didn't make eye contact.

"Mia-chan," otoo-san said. "You know that otoo-san and okaa-san are very worried right now, right?"

I nodded slowly.

"Since you and your onii-san get along rather well, I mean… you two grew up together… I thought you might know where Takaki-kun might be right now."

Again, I nodded slowly.

"Mia-chan, where is Takaki-kun right now?"

I opened my mouth to say, 'he's staying at a friend's house'. No sound came out, however, other than a near-silent croak. I couldn't say it.

It was the first time I had any recollection of either of my parents referencing me by my name.

I felt horrible. Sick. Saddened. Broken beyond repair.

Throughout my entire life, neither of my parents really paid me attention, and I had begun to accept it. Onii-san was born first, so he had a right to everything. Even now, otoo-san is only talking to me because they're worried about Takaki onii-san. Even if they start loving me now, start talking to me now, start caring now, I don't exist to them. In the end, it's always all about Takaki onii-san.

It wasn't fair, and I pretended I didn't mind it. But I did. I was jealous. I hated it. I hated Takaki onii-san. I hated Shinohara-san. I hated my parents, I hated my school, I hated reading, I hated neglect; I hated everything. Everything except snow.

'_That's right'_ I thought. _'The snow is all that's ever brought me anything. The snow is what has brought me this attention, here and now.'_

I had spent my entire life as a shadow of his. I'd follow him around, and people would forget about me. I had had to sacrifice my entire life for his happiness, his attention, his acceptance into the world. Happiness isn't created out of nothing. It's created from another person's suffering. And for the first time in my life, I had finally decided that I deserved some of my _own_ happiness.

"He's at Tochigi," I whispered, barely audible. I couldn't see his face, but otoo-san was evidently surprised, and a little bit furious. "He wanted to see Shinohara-san," I added. "They've been organizing for months now."

Silence filled the room again. Only okaa-san's muffled echoing could be heard. But it was not the same silence as before. I felt uncomfortable in this silence.

"Mia-chan?"

I glanced up slowly, and saw that otoo-san was smiling.

"Arigatoo."

In that moment, I felt a huge surge of emotion. For that brief moment, I felt as though I belonged. I felt genuinely happy; I had finally received the attention and acceptance into the family that I had been denied for years. No longer was I just a parasite, a ghost, or a blank sheet of scrap paper. I was a real person.

However, there also lay the tiniest tinge of guilt. I knew that, now, our parents would deny Takaki onii-san from ever seeing Shinohara-san again. Takaki onii-san would lose the person closest to him (perhaps forever) and it would all be my fault.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Haven't written anything in a while, and thought I'd update on something. I'm mulling over whether ot leave this here, as it is, or to add in bits for the next few chapters of the original movie. In any case, hope you liked it (to some degree).**


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